


heart of the realm

by guardyanangel



Series: keeper of her heart [1]
Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Romance, Arranged Marriage, At what point do I stop getting away with calling my absurd use of commas a writing style?, Blatant abuse of parenthesis, Character Study, F/F, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Present Tense, Romance, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:37:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24750157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guardyanangel/pseuds/guardyanangel
Summary: Some spoilers for episode 9, mostly minor and vague."Lazuli I loved with all of my heart."Candia calls Queen Caramelinda the "Heart of the Realm," but once upon a time, it was Lazuli's heart she was more concerned with.This is how she got from there to here.
Relationships: Amethar Rocks/Caramelinda Rocks, Caramelinda Rocks/Lazuli Rocks, Caramelinda Rocks/Sapphria Rocks, if you squint
Series: keeper of her heart [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1789777
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	heart of the realm

**Author's Note:**

> No betas, we write in a frenzied haze and post after a brief read for edits like men. 
> 
> Also, the Wiki says Caramelinda was once a Duchess, but her official title is announced as "Countess of Meringue" so I just went with that.

They bury her heart in a candystone coffin beside the grave of Queen Pamelia Rocks, and Caramelinda cries. They bury Archmage Lazuli Rocks in the Royal Graveyard by the chapel, and Caramelinda weeps because she is young, still, and her heart is being buried. 

Her heart is being buried because it is dead _(Lazuli is dead)_ and everyone in her family had warned her: Prepare to have your heart broken, because life is politics, and love is for commoners and fools. Prepare to have your heart broken, because you will wed someone for the good of your home and they will not love you.

_("If you are lucky," her mother had told her once during her lessons, "If you are very, very lucky, Caramelinda, they will appreciate that mind of yours, but do not dare hope for even that.")_

They had warned her: Prepare to have your heart broken. But they had never, ever told her to prepare to have your heart die.

She can feel the empty space where it used to be now; a dark and hollow ache in her chest. It is like the maw of the Hungry One, and she wonders if the grief will end up consuming her whole. She cannot find it in her to care. She cannot find it in her to feel anything but the empty. She doesn’t even realize she is crying until a hand touches her shoulder and she is abruptly reminded that she _does_ still have a physical form. That she isn’t a ghost ( _yet_.) One hand comes up to brush away the tears as she turns to look at who it is, knowing already it won’t be anyone she wants to see.

_(Lazuli is dead. Who could she possibly want to see?)_

General Rococoa looks as though she has aged ten years in the week since they received the news. Caramelinda nods at her because she cannot find it in her to curtsy, and Rococoa squeezes her shoulder slightly.

“I am sorry, Lady Caramelinda,” she says, voice low with barely-controlled grief, “Please know that we still consider you to be a-- a dear friend to the House Rocks.”

It is a consolation and an affirmation, yes, but Caramelinda is a sharp woman-- She knows it is a question, too. The alliance between House Meringue and the royal family is thrown into uncertainty by this. General Rococoa needs to know, sooner than later, if it is completely dissolved.

The General shows every sign of being a good ruler, to be able to do her duty at a time like this. If Caramelinda were as good as her, she would demand assurance-- Compensation, a promise of another engagement, something to ensure the House Rocks is keeping its end of the bargain. 

But she is not the best she could be; not yet. Not now, when they have just buried Lazuli _(her heart, her heart)_ and she isn’t certain yet that she won’t die herself from the grief.

“I hope that we are-- always dear friends, Your Highness,” she says, instead of all the things she ought, and is rewarded by a brief hint of something like a smile on Rococoa’s face. Or, well. It _should_ be a reward, but for Caramelinda it is anything but-- The Rocks siblings are not necessarily alike, but if you hear one laugh or see one smile you have heard or seen the others do the same. 

_(Later-- much later-- Caramelinda will hear Amethar laugh and think **my heart** , but it will not be him she is thinking of._

_In the now, Rococoa’s smile is Lazuli’s, and Caramelinda almost dissolves into tears again.)_

“Thank you,” Rococoa says, “You honor our family with your friendship.” 

“The honor is mine, Your Highness,” she replies, because it is the right thing to say, and this-- For all it might not be the most politically savvy thing, this is still the _right_ thing to do. The future of Candia rests in the hands of House Rocks. It is in the best interest of the kingdom that she remains in alliance with them. Besides, it is what Lazuli asked of her.

_("If something were to happen to me," Lazuli had said, a month ago, "Would you help my family, still? For my sake?"_

_"At least for a time, my heart," she had answered, "But why would you allow anything to happen to you?"_

_She had not gotten a satisfactory answer, then. Caramelinda suspects now that she never will.)_

~*~

House Meringue remains in alliance with House Rocks, and Caramelinda remains with the Rocks family. The collection of siblings she finds herself in the company of changes constantly. They are always coming and going, on missions or meetings or to whichever front is being particularly tricky. Caramelinda helps where she can-- small magics, finances, and battle strategies. She is still invited to War Council meetings, and often she finds herself speaking, but it is Lazuli’s words escaping her lips. Once, the Council is arguing over something for the umpteenth time, _(something about the Bulb and the old magics; something Lazuli had strong opinions on and made known to her fiancée,)_ when Caramelinda catches Sapphria’s gaze across the table. The Princess is staring at her as though she’s seen a ghost, and Caramelinda stops speaking for a long moment as the discussion continues to whirl around her.

She tries to apologize, after, but Sapphria cuts her off with a shake of her head. 

“I am grateful to you, Lady. We all are,” Sapphria tells her, “My sisters think too often on what best helps the military or what the will of the Bulb is. I am far too often involved in the-- dirtier deeds that need doing. We need someone who speaks to protect the heart and soul of Candia, just as--”

“--As Lazuli did,” Caramelinda says, when Sapphria pauses for so long it is clear she cannot continue speaking.

The Princess nods, still wordless for another long moment.

“...And as you do, now,” she finally says, when she finds her voice again, “No matter what happens, Lady Caramelinda, I hope you will always be there to defend that which makes Candia Candia.”

_("What keeps Candia itself," Lazuli would always say, "Is its connection to its magic. That’s what the heartbeat of Candia **really** is, Cara. Honoring the old ways and keeping magic alive is what keeps the kingdom alive." _

_"Yes, my heart," she had replied once, turning from where she had been practicing Disguise Self in the mirror, "But would you really consider this doing honor to the spirit of Candia and such?"_

_She had put on a truly ridiculous disguise, and when Lazuli had looked up from the latest dusty tome she had laughed her warm, rich laugh that always filled Caramelinda with joy._

_"Yes, even that," she had said, standing to cross the room and kiss her, "You look beautiful."_

_She didn’t think so, but Lazuli never lied to her-- omitted truths, maybe, but that was understandable enough-- and so Caramelinda had believed her and returned the kiss.)_

“--I understand you’ve some knowledge of how to do disguises and illusions,” Sapphria is saying, “Would you help train my agents, sometimes? It’s a useful thing to know, in our line of work.”

“I would be honored,” Caramelinda answers, and means it. She helps Sapphria’s operatives on and off for months, and in return Sapphria teaches her more of spycraft. It is a good arrangement, and while neither of them even think the word ‘engagement,’ Caramelinda tells herself she could be content with this, were it to come.

_(When Sapphria perishes, Caramelinda makes a vow that she will never again let herself care so deeply about a member of the Rocks family that it almost breaks her when they die._

_She manages to keep it for over twenty years.)_

~*~

The years pass, and the war goes on, and Caramelinda finds herself indispensable. More and more often, the thoughts she expresses in Council are her own and not Lazuli’s. Her strategies, while not so finely-honed as Rococoa’s, are solid, and her attempts at spycraft tend more often to yield success. 

Her success goes beyond the battlefield or the shadows, as well. Caramelinda was raised in politics; to be as clever as she was beautiful, and while she has not allowed herself to love anyone in years, she knows how to win hearts. Wherever she goes, soldier or spy or magician or civilian finds reason to feel cheer and comfort. Feels certain in the belief that when the war is over, Candia will remain.

“I don’t think you understand what a comfort it is, to have you here,” Citrina tells her as they take a walk through the field hospital, “Your devotion to Candia is unparalleled. House Rocks could all fall tomorrow and I would be confident that Candia would be in safe hands so long as those hands were yours.”

“House Rocks will not fall so long as House Meringue has anything to say about it,” Caramelinda replies with authority, for she is _Countess_ Caramelinda now-- her father dead and buried at the front; her mother caring for the estate in her stead, “And I think you hold me in too high esteem, Princess. I love Candia no more than yourself or your family does, and she surely loves you more than she’ll ever love me.”

“We are the keepers of Candia’s crown, so long as the Bulb wills it. But you hold the heart of the realm, now, Countess, and I, my siblings, and our father all know and recognize it.”

It is not meant as a threat, necessarily-- More a promise, frankly long overdue. House Meringue has given much to House Rocks, and is owed much. Was owed, once, a marriage, and it would be politic for the same to be given now. Rococoa is not an option-- an heir must come from her marriage, after all. Citrina isn’t an option, either, because of her obligations to the Church.

Amethar, then, or some cousin of the family. Caramelinda’s heart has been a dead thing for years _(Lazuli is still gone; the ache still remains,)_ but she feels it stop in her chest nonetheless thinking of the youngest Rocks sibling. He is a fine soldier, she is told-- Has done countless worthy deeds in the Dairy Islands. It would be an honor to be married to a Prince of the realm, and more than appropriate thanks for all that she and her family has sacrificed for the cause. But Amethar, in her mind, is still a man barely outgrown from being a boy-- Hardly the intellectual equal she had hoped for in a spouse.

_(Sapphria would have been her equal, had things ever come to that. Lazuli had challenged and taught and excited her, and she would never love anyone like that again, for no one else like her existed in the world._

_"You will marry for the good of your home," she reminds herself, and finds when she thinks it that it is not House Meringue with its rolling whipped cream hills that she thinks of as home, but all the lands of Candia she has traveled over the years of war, instead.)_

“Whatever your family chooses to do to honor and acknowledge that fact, Your Highness,” she finally says in a calm, measured voice, “House Meringue and I will accept that choice with all the goodwill and good faith that it is given in.”

Citrina smiles, and, as always, it is Lazuli that Caramelinda sees.

_("Your work occupies more of your heart than I do," she’d said to Lazuli once, in an argument._

_"Yes," she had replied, because Lazuli did not lie to her. But when Caramelinda turned away to weep, Lazuli had caught at her hands and continued, "Candia and her magics and knowledge won my heart long before you were here to fight for it, Cara-- but she cannot **hold** my hands or my heart. You do. If my heart were a castle, Candia would be its ruler, but you would be its keeper. Do you understand?" _

_"I do," Caramelinda had answered, because she did. The ruler held the power in a castle, true, but a castle’s keeper was its true master. A castle’s keeper made sure there were supplies enough, that the people were happy, that it was a comfortable and safe place to be. It was an incredibly honorable occupation, and a crucial one. If she could never own Lazuli’s heart, it was enough to be caretaker of it._

_And so: "I love you, Lazuli."_

_"And I you, keeper of my heart.")_

~*~

Any hope of marrying some Rocks cousin dies with the losses of Citrina and Rococoa. The same afternoon they lay the latter to rest beside her mother and sisters, King Jadain calls Caramelinda and Amethar before him. He has not cried, but looks like he had not slept in days. Amethar is weeping still; trying and failing to master his emotions. 

Caramelinda is, she knows, the image of put together. It is important that someone seem to still have their feet beneath them, and so she had washed and clothed herself in her best mourning gown. The two solitary tears she had wept for Rococoa and her own dashed hopes had been wiped away with a handkerchief as soon as they fell. She is making a very good impression, and it seems King Jadain finds some level of comfort in this.

“I would see you two married, a year hence,” he says, and Amethar bristles; starts to say something about it being _too soon to talk about this,_ and privately Caramelinda agrees, but not because they have just buried Rococoa.

_(Her heart is buried in that graveyard, still, joined now by all her sisters. Even as she thinks it, Caramelinda resigns herself to the fact that she will only be laid to rest next to it if she marries the man standing beside her now.)_

“You honor myself and my family, my King,” she says, ignoring Amethar’s look of betrayal. Later, she will explain to him about politics-- about how even in a time of peace, there are battles that still cannot be won. There are lessons she learned from his sisters he has not had the opportunity to learn, and she supposes she is the best one to teach them to him.

“The rewards of doing your duty to us for all these years, Countess. When I am gone, I know you and my son will together be able to guide this realm well in peace and in war. Besides, it has not escaped my notice that Candia loves you.”

“And I love Candia.” That at least, is not a lie. That, at least, has Amethar looking at her as though she is someone he could listen to. That, at least, is something the two of them have in common. She allows one hand to reach out to Amethar, and he takes it, cautiously, as though his hand doesn’t know how to hold something that isn’t a weapon, “We will make this realm strong together, my Prince. I promise you this.”

_(In the moment, she means to keep the promise. When she tries to be charitable, years later, she supposes he meant in the moment to keep it, too._

_It is often difficult to be charitable, years later.)_

~*~

King Jadain dies eight months after their wedding. Caramelinda is pregnant and showing at the coronation; feels large and heavy in a way that everyone says speaks either of a bouncing boy or twins. Still, she manages to arrange so things are pulled off without a hitch, despite Amethar’s barely-hidden panic. Before she knows it she is kneeling before the Archbishop, claiming the title of Queen. It hurts deeply to have acquired it like this-- at the end of so much grief, with a man she does not love at her side-- rather than the less painful way she might have, had she wed Lazuli and Rococoa died without an heir.

Still, she smiles as the Archbishop crowns her. She often has on smiles she does not mean, these days. 

“-- I present to you: Queen Caramelinda of House Rocks. Ruler of Candia and the Sugarlands. Countess of Meringue, Keeper of Castle Candy--”

Suddenly, there is a movement within her, and she cannot help the way one hand comes to rest against her belly. The stirring child within her brushes a hand against her own, and for a moment she feels like she once did when she heard Lazuli laugh.

“--and Heart of the Realm.” 

Tears are blurring her eyes just slightly, when she stands. She tells herself that that must be why she thinks she sees a woman with deep blue skin in the reflection of a window. Blinking away the tears, she turns her attention from the glass in time to catch at Amethar’s hand as he stands to the litany of titles he now bears.

They step forward towards their people, and Candia erupts into cheers. 

It all feels enough like love that Caramelinda thinks that perhaps someday, her heart might start beating again.

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a very long time since I've written fic, but I needed to get this out because poor Cara and I have similar (if obviously very different) baggage when it comes to grief and love. This is one of those fics that started off one way and ended another, but I think the journey made sense, and I'd greatly appreciate it if you leave a comment, even if it's just a heart emoji. Thanks for reading!


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